untitled

I can't even imagine what a good life, for me, would look like. Work and sleep and stare at my phone. Reading. Guitar. I don't like anyone. I'm not interested in anyone anymore. I know I'll die in obscurity and the path between this day and the last day seems like a long, burdensome, disappointing journey.

Why did I have to be born? For what purpose? It's all work and stress except in my unmemorable sleep. The near bliss of near non-existence. A quiet nirvana. I woke up to a hell that begins just beyond my bed. A world full of idiots that are either abusive or abused. And I'm marked with its stench. My hopes and dreams, too, are confined by this pointless mediocrity. There is no one for whom I might play my song, and if there was, there is nothing special about it. There is nothing new under the sun.

Why do we keep breeding and dying? Surely anyone could have figured it out long ago. The Earth is a desert, filled with beasts that gnaw on the flesh of the slower. Each of us carries a graveyard in our bellies. Each of us dies from exposure. Life has every characteristic of a disease that is contagious to those who have no substance, the unborn. It is always terminal. It is always cruel. It is the ceiling that imprisons our highest hopes.

There is an acclimation to it. Each individual disappointment is always temporary, yet it stains each new stage of one's life. You'll never be an astronaut. You won't even be remembered beyond your grandchild, those of us callous enough to have children. This world is a hell and what little good it offers is just enough to keep us trapped in a prison we may freely walk out of. To fatten us up. To dupe us and play to our egos. To encourage us and to propagate us. I swear, only a devil would command that we be fruitful and multiply. What more would a farmer want from his lambs before he led them to slaughter?

If there is a God, this is our punishment for some long forgotten crime against him. May we find comfort in abandonment and compassion in the brotherhood of suffering; we are all forsaken together.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jesus Apocalyptic Prophet notes

Jesus preached the apocalypse coming in his time thesis: Jesus preached the apocalypse coming during his generation (within 40 years) and later Christian writers and early church fathers watered down his original teaching and reinterpreted his message. both Paul and Jesus expected the apocalypse to come in their lifetimes. apocalypticism was a view common to many Palestinian Jews during that time. see the dead sea scrolls and contemporary prophets mentioned by Josephus. see the following verses: matt24:34-35: Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. matt16:28: Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom. Matt10:23: When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. Truly I tell you, you will not finish going through the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.  Matt 26:64: You h
Read more

Pessimism. (first chapter, rest are TBD)

Life is bad. it's not all bad, it's not so bad that most people need to kill themselves, but it is on the whole, quite bad and many of us have a responsibility to make it at least less bad. Most of us don't think about the big picture. Some take pride in not watching the news or getting involved in politics, after all, what's the point of being upset about something we can do nothing about? We should only consider what's in our control, because everything beyond that is depressing. To the degree that people do ask questions or have any thoughts about life beyond themselves, they overwhelmingly come to an optimistic conclusion, although I'm sure that's not indicative of any innate bias in our animal cognition that promotes survival over realism. God is taking care of everything. Or if not God, the universe or karma. For those daring enough to think about the world and care to actually look at facts (which massively limit what theories and opinions we can reas
Read more

Brain Washing.

Modern society is a cult and it is unlikely that the vast majority of us would hold the beliefs and opinions we do if it were not for the constant brainwashing and social reinforcement. Granted, spirituality and optimism are inherent to our nature, there is even a region of the temporal lobe which, through magnetic stimulation, causes individuals to have mystical experiences. Matthew Alper calls this the "God" part of the brain. This is where the idea of nature contra nurture is misleading. We have a natural potential for spirituality, language, music, cooperation, etc… That's the role nature plays in who we are, nurture defines the specific of how those potentials are expressed. Nurture is where the molding hand of society and its cult leaders take aim. It starts with school, where kids are taught in a very hands-on way how to be obedient to authority figures. They're acclimated to prison style architecture and conditioned to follow a rigid schedule communicated thro
Read more